By John Ford,
In times of deep political and social division, it can feel impossible to have meaningful conversations with those we love. Tensions rise, words become weapons, and the very people we cherish can feel like adversaries. But what if there were another way? A way to speak and listen—not to convince or debate, but to truly understand?
This is where Empathy Circles, a practice championed by Edwin Rutsch, offer a powerful alternative.
What Is an Empathy Circle?
An Empathy Circle is a structured process designed to help people listen deeply and feel heard. Unlike debates, where the goal is to win, or even ordinary conversations, where we often listen just long enough to craft our response, empathy circles slow us down. They create a space where we can sit with our differences without trying to erase them.
At its core, the process is simple:
One person speaks while another person listens.
The listener reflects back what they heard, without judgment or analysis.
The speaker confirms whether they feel heard.
The roles rotate, ensuring that everyone gets a chance to share and be understood.
By structuring the conversation this way, empathy circles prevent interruptions, misunderstandings, and the escalation of conflict. Instead, they cultivate curiosity, patience, and connection.
Why This Matters Now
We live in a world that thrives on division. Social media amplifies outrage, news cycles stoke fear, and political rhetoric encourages us to see “the other side” as the enemy. But for most of us, division isn’t just theoretical—it’s personal. It’s at our family gatherings, in our friendships, and even in our closest relationships.
The good news? We don’t have to accept this state of affairs. We can choose to engage differently. We can choose empathy.
A Prayer for Understanding: An Empathy Circle in Action
Sometimes, reaching out can feel like an act of faith. When emotions run high, when we feel wounded or misunderstood, it takes courage to choose connection over disconnection. The message below—adapted from a real conversation—offers one way to invite a loved one into a different kind of dialogue:
I’ve been reflecting on how easy it is, when we feel hurt or misunderstood, to close off, to push back, to want to wound rather than open. But I don’t want that for us. I want something deeper—something that makes space for both of us to be heard, to listen, and to understand.
I know the impulse to pull away, to let anger or fear take the lead. But I also know that when we slow down, when we truly listen, something shifts. Even in disagreement, even in pain, love can be present—not to erase our differences, but to hold them with care.
As we find ourselves struggling to connect, I’d love for us to try something different—something like an empathy circle, where we take turns speaking, reflect back what we hear, and make sure we truly understand before responding. Not to convince, not to win—just to see each other. Because we all matter.
An Invitation
Imagine if, instead of arguing past each other, more families tried this approach. Imagine if, instead of reacting with anger or silence, we responded with curiosity and presence.
Empathy Circles aren’t just a technique; they’re a mindset—a way of approaching difficult conversations with an open heart. They remind us that we are more than our opinions, that beneath our disagreements are shared fears, hopes, and a longing for connection.
So if there’s a conversation you’ve been avoiding, a relationship that feels strained, or a loved one you don’t know how to reach—consider this an invitation. Try an empathy circle. Step into the discomfort with love. And see what happens when you truly listen.
In a world that encourages us to fight or flee, empathy offers a third path: the path of understanding. And in times like these, it may be the most radical choice of all.
