Cultivating Empathy

The Neuroscience of Empathy: A Key Skill for Mediators

Empathy is more than just a concept or an abstract ideal; it’s a fundamental part of our human nature, deeply embedded in our biology. Neuroscience reveals that empathy plays a crucial role in how we connect with others, allowing us to understand and share their feelings and needs. For mediators, this skill is indispensable—not only as a tool for resolving conflict but also for fostering trust and emotional understanding between conflicting parties.

In this article, we’ll explore the neuroscience behind empathy, its definition and components, and how mediators can cultivate and apply this skill to enhance their practice.

The Empathy Network in Our Brains

Empathy is hardwired into our brains, with research revealing the biological roots of this powerful skill. One of the key players in this process is a set of neurons called mirror neurons. According to Don Joseph Gowey, "Mirror neurons generate empathy, which is the opposite experience of judging and condemning." When we see someone experiencing an emotion—whether it’s joy, sorrow, or frustration—these mirror neurons activate, allowing us to feel a version of that emotion within ourselves. This neurological mechanism helps explain why we often find ourselves moved by the pain or happiness of others.

The brain circuits involved in empathy demonstrate how different regions work together to respond to others' experiences. For example, the somatosensory cortex enables us to physically sense and react to another person’s pain, while the superior temporal sulcus helps us mirror their actions and emotions. These interconnected areas allow us to perceive and connect with others on an emotional level, enhancing our ability to empathize.

Daniel Goleman expands on this through the concept of emotional contagion, noting that "emotions are contagious. We catch feelings from one another as though they were some kind of social virus." This phenomenon is central to the science of empathy. The mirror neuron system allows us to mirror another person’s emotions, contributing to the automatic transmission of feelings between people. Goleman also highlights that "our brain’s very design makes it hard to maintain emotional distance; our emotions automatically and instantly mimic those of others." This is why we can pick up on the emotional states of others before even consciously realizing it.

Candace Pert further elaborates on this emotional resonance, saying, "The emotions are the connectors, flowing between individuals, moving among us as empathy, compassion, sorrow, and joy." This underscores the idea that empathy is a biological function intertwined with our ability to connect emotionally. Our shared "molecules of emotion," as Pert describes them, resonate together, reflecting the oneness of human experience.

This ability to quickly pick up on emotions is demonstrated in infants as well. Researchers Pat Wingert and Martha Brant observed that babies as young as six months could feel rudimentary empathy. They would cry when they heard other infants cry, yet did not react to recordings of their own cries. This shows that, from birth, humans are wired to respond to others’ emotional states, setting the stage for the development of empathy throughout life.

Empathy: A Skill to Cultivate

Although empathy is biologically embedded in our brains, it is also a skill that can be developed and improved. Effective empathy involves two key elements: genuine perception and deep imagination. These elements not only define empathy but also reveal its challenges, especially in the context of mediation.

Genuine Perception

Genuine perception refers to an unfiltered, direct understanding of another person’s feelings and needs. It is the ability to truly see and feel what someone else is experiencing without letting personal biases interfere with our interpretation. Mirror neurons play a critical role in this process. As Don Joseph Gowey pointed out, these neurons help us experience empathy rather than judgment. By activating when we observe others’ emotions, they allow us to feel the emotions of another person firsthand.

Daniel Goleman adds another dimension by explaining that "when we focus on someone else, our brain shifts to a mode that is less concerned with our own needs and more open to theirs." This shift is what makes empathy powerful—it moves us beyond self-interest and into a place where we can genuinely understand and resonate with another’s experience. For mediators, facilitating this shift is crucial in creating an experience where both parties feel heard and respected.

However, as mediators, overcoming personal experiences, emotions, and assumptions is crucial to achieving genuine perception. Our own neural wiring may lead us to project our feelings onto others, skewing our perception of their emotional reality. Mediators must recognize their biases and focus on accurately perceiving the emotions of the parties they are assisting.

Deep Imagination

Deep imagination is the ability to mentally journey into another’s experience. It is not enough to merely observe someone’s feelings; empathy requires us to imagine what it is like to live in their world, from their perspective. This is where empathy becomes an act of creativity, allowing us to bridge the gap between our understanding and their reality.

The neuroscientific research on empathy circuits offers valuable insight into how this imaginative leap occurs in the brain. For instance, the anterior insula helps us imagine the thoughts of others, and the medial prefrontal cortex aids in registering facial emotion and understanding the intentions of others. These circuits allow mediators to move beyond surface-level observations and into a deeper engagement with the emotional experiences of the parties involved in a conflict.

Daniel Goleman explains that "our brain’s very design makes it hard to maintain emotional distance; our emotions automatically and instantly mimic those of others." This automatic mirroring sets the stage for us to take the next step: imagining how the other person is experiencing the world from their unique perspective.

For mediators, deep imagination is crucial in understanding both parties' emotional landscapes without allowing their own experiences to color the interpretation. While mirror neurons give us a glimpse into another’s emotional state, the imaginative leap requires conscious effort and practice. The prefrontal cortex, particularly the cingulate cortex, helps in this process by comparing one’s perspective with another’s, allowing mediators to identify both the shared and divergent feelings and needs between conflicting parties.

However, deep imagination can be challenging. While mirror neurons and emotional contagion provide a biological foundation for empathy, mediators must be careful not to project their own interpretations onto the parties they are assisting. The imaginative leap into another’s perspective must be grounded in genuine curiosity and an active effort to understand their unique emotional reality.

Why Empathy Matters in Conflict Resolution

Mediators, by the nature of their work, are called upon to be empathic listeners. They must create an environment where both parties feel heard, understood, and respected. In doing so, mediators play a pivotal role in de-escalating conflict. Neuroscience shows that when we listen with genuine perception and deep imagination, we foster emotional resonance—an essential component for building trust and creating a sense of emotional safety.

By cultivating empathy, mediators enable both parties to shift from entrenched positions to a space of deeper emotional connection. This focus on understanding the perspectives of others is central to the success of mediation, as it encourages parties to see beyond their immediate grievances and into the shared emotional space that empathy creates.

Empathy is not just about understanding emotions; it’s also about recognizing and addressing underlying needs. True empathy is the ability to genuinely perceive and deeply imagine another person’s feelings and needs, to communicate this understanding with sensitivity, and to respond with compassionate actions.

In mediation, this process goes beyond resolving surface-level disagreements. It involves uncovering the deeper feelings and needs driving the conflict, creating space for resolution by acknowledging the feelings and addressing those needs. Often, the most entrenched disputes can be resolved once both sides feel that their emotions and needs have been fully recognized. Mediators who employ empathy effectively help guide parties from a place of division toward mutual understanding, and ultimately, resolution.

Empathy, rooted in our biology, is one of the most powerful tools mediators can wield. It enables them to connect deeply with the individuals involved, fostering more meaningful and compassionate resolutions. By honing the skills of genuine perception and deep imagination, mediators can unlock the transformative potential of empathy, turning conflict into an opportunity for collaboration and growth.

References

Candace Pert, Molecules of Emotion: The Science behind mind body medicine, 2003

Don Joseph Gowey, The End of Stress, 2014

Paul Ekman, Emotions Revealed, 2003

Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships (2006)

Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (1995)

Pat Wingert and Martha Brant, Reading your Babies Mind, Newsweek, 2005

Yudhijit Bhattacharjee, Science Offers Insight Into Why Some People Are Especially Nice (Or Not), National Geographic, January 2018

John Ford is a seasoned workplace mediator and conflict resolution coach with three decades of experience. He is the author of "Peace at Work: The HR Manager’s Guide to Workplace Mediation" and the creator of several tools designed to enhance empathy and communication in mediation, including The Empathy Set™ of cards. John teaches negotiation and mediation at UC Law SF and has trained professionals across various sectors. His innovative approach to mediation focuses on structured processes that address both the relational and substantive aspects of conflict, empowering clients to achieve lasting resolutions.

Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning podcast!

Interview by Andrea Samadi on 7/30/24

Welcome back to Season 12 of the Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning podcast! In episode number 340, host Andrea Samadi speaks with John Ford, an experienced workplace mediator and author of "Peace at Work: The HR Manager's Guide to Workplace Mediation." With a wealth of expertise in conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, and soft skills training, John shares his journey from practicing law to becoming a mediator. He discusses the importance of trust, effective communication, and addressing conflict head-on in both personal and professional settings. Discover practical tools like talking sticks and empathy cards, and learn how to apply neuroscience and emotional intelligence to navigate conflicts and improve workplace dynamics. Don't miss this insightful conversation that bridges the gap between science and everyday application!

Topics we will cover:

* The importance of acquiring Emotional Intelligence Skills for conflict resolution in our workplaces of the future.
* The influencers who inspired John Ford's work (Daniel Goleman, John Gottman, Ken Cloke and many more.
* Tools and resources to support Conflict Resolution in our workplaces.

Watch our interview on YouTube here https://lnkd.in/g5PE6v9N  or

Listen https://lnkd.in/gsiZZUsj  on Podbean.

hashtag#emotionalintelligence hashtag#JohnFord hashtag#schools hashtag#Sports hashtag#workplace hashtag#conflictresolution hashtag#SEL hashtag#neuroscience hashtag#softskills hashtag#empathy

The Importance of Empathy

From LifeHacker (http://lifehacker.com/)

With an increasingly polarized and divided world, we need empathy more than ever before. Too often we are talking at each other, unable to listen and jumping to entirely wrong conclusions. Communication is fast becoming a stressful endeavor, which instead of connecting us, is increasing separation. So, what is empathy? We seem to have let go this most basic human characteristic. There are so many misconceptions around this simple and essential quality we seem to have forgotten. Learn more about empathy and how to develop it…

Some of the posts in relation to this video on You Tube:

Enrique Sanchez: “Empathy should be taught at every educational level because that's the key for living in harmony with the world. Empathy not only involves humans but also animals and every living creature and mother earth.”

Maureen O’Connell: “Empathy is, at its simplest, awareness of the feelings and emotions of other people. It is a key element of Emotional Intelligence, the link between self and others because it is how we as individuals understand what others are experiencing as if we were feeling it ourselves.”

BendingBananas: “Seriously, a lot of people could really use a good dosage of empathy. Imagine how much nicer everyone would be!“

Dakota Rose: “What a beautiful thing Empathy is. This video was great! Whoever made this did a good job creatively capturing the idea of empathy. Good work.”

What is Empathy?

Empathy is not the same as Sympathy

Have you ever wondered about the difference between empathy and sympathy?

And if you have, why sympathy has got such a bad name?

Dr Berne Brown’s famous video is a great starting place to explore the difference between the two!

In the video Dr Brown says that empathy fuels connection and sympathy drives disconnection. To empathize, she says, we must internalize the feelings of another.

In the examples she gives she suggests that we sympathize when we avoid acknowledging others difficult feelings and also when we minimize the experience of another, such as when we ‘silver-line’ with expressions like, “at least you have a job,” after hearing that the person was demoted.

I agree that these last two practices (avoidance and minimizing) are not empathetic, but I am not sure that they are what sympathy is about. Or indeed the real reasons for sympathy’s bad name.

As is often the case, words have numerous meanings. Sympathy’s Latin roots point to ‘similar feelings’ (sympathia and pathos).

However, the primary sense in most modern dictionaries suggest that sympathy means “pity or sorrow for someone’s misfortune.”

Sympathy as pity is dis-empowering and fuels disconnection. Comments like “I don’t want your sympathy” confirm this.

We want to be allowed to feel our feelings, rather than be rescued by the sympathizer who can never actually feel for us!

I agree that this sense is unfortunate and I suspect a reason for sympathy’s bad name.

But sympathy can also refer to the original Latin meaning and our capacity to recognize a common feeling. We sense that the other person may be feeling something similar to what we have previously experienced and sympathize.

As the listener, if we express our sympathy we may say “I was also ‘gutted’ when my team lost!”

The apparent danger is that unless we are careful we shift the focus away from the other. Now it’s about me and my team!

That’s another reason for its bad name.

So what then is empathy, and how is it different?

Empathy is our capacity to sense and understand what another is feeling from their – nor our – point of view.

This to me is vital. The focus is on them and how they make sense of their feelings.

So while I listen to my English friend bemoan their loss in the rugby world cup, I can sympathize as suggested above as I know what it feels like to lose. 

But I can also empathize. 

And when I do the shift is apparent. “I imagine you were gutted when your team lost! Especially as hosts. Must really hurt!”

As is suggested by Paul Bellet and Michael Maloney, our perspective becomes superfluous, certainly secondary to that of the speaker: 

“Empathy is the capacity to understand what another person is experiencing from within the other person's frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another's shoes.” 

 At best my frame of reference and knowledge of rugby can help me to understand what my friend is feeling (sympathy), but empathy lies in my ultimate ability to demonstrate to my friend that I understand him and his woes.

Empathy builds connection, and is based on authentic attention to the other.

Sympathy can move us toward, but is not the same as empathy.

In the same way that avoidance and minimization are neither sympathetic nor empathetic.

Much ado about nothing? 

Not so sure. Words matter.

Sympathy has its place, but there are dangers.

Which is why for life’s challenges,

I prefer empathy!

Helen Riess on Empathy

From her book, The Empathy Effect (pages 10 and 12)

“There are many definitions of empathy, and this has caused confusion even among many different types of scholars who study it, including philosophers, psychologists, scientists, and educators who have attempted to define it as a single trait.

Empathy is best understood as a human capacity consisting of several different facets that work together to enable us to be moved by the plights and emotions of others.

I prefer to use the term “empathic capacity” rather than “empathy” because this conveys that empathy is made up of many different psychological and physiological facets.

Our empathic capacity requires specialized brain circuits that allow us to perceive, process, and respond to others….The integration of these three very human activities predicts how “empathic” a person will be.

When people show empathy for others, they are usually good at perceiving what others feel, able to process the information, and able to respond effectively.

So it is important to broaden the definition as a capacity that encompasses the entire empathy loop from perception of, to response to someone else’s experience, and finally to check with that person for accuracy if there is any doubt.

This last part of the loop is called “empathic accuracy.”

In the past, people believed that you were either born with empathy or not, and there was not much that could be done about it. It is very important to those of us who study empathy’s application that empathy can be taught.

Empathy is a delicate balance of appreciating the feelings of others and learning how to manage our own feelings so we can be helpful.

We need to to learn to manage our empathic responses so that we ultimately deliver caring responses even when we can’t immediately find the words on our own.”

Helen Riess, M.D. is Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School and Director of the Empathy and Relational Science Program at Massachusetts General Hospital. The mission of the Program is to enhance empathy and interpersonal relationships in healthcare. She is also Chief Technology Officer of Empathetics which offers scientifically based empathy training proven to optimize interpersonal engagement.

Cultivating Empathy and Compassion

By Dr. Paul Ekman

Dr. Ekman describes the steps towards feeling empathy and acting compassionately, as well as the different forms of compassion. 

Recognizing Emotion

The first step toward being empathetic and acting compassionately is to recognize how someone is feeling and, in particular, when they are suffering. This is often the simplest and easiest step of the process. For the most part, people are pretty skilled at recognizing how others are feeling when others clearly express emotional information through their words, facial expressions, and other nonverbal communication. However, it can be harder when someone masks or conceals their emotions. Emotional information may still be leaked, however, in the form of a micro expression. It can also be harder for some people to recognize the emotions of others, particularly if they are on the autism spectrum. Dr. Ekman’s online micro expression training tools are geared towards teaching you to quickly and accurately detect the macro, micro and subtle expressions of others in real time. 

Knowing how someone feels is the first step towards acting compassionately as we can not relieve the suffering of others if we don’t know they are suffering in the first place. On the other hand, recognizing the emotions and suffering of others does not guarantee we will respond compassionately, as it is possible to know how someone is feeling but not be concerned or interested in their wellbeing. 

Emotional Resonance

The next step after recognizing emotion is experiencing emotional resonance. I distinguish two types of emotional resonance: identical resonance and reactive resonance

  • Identical resonance is when you realize someone is in pain and you feel that same suffering. You actually physically experience a version of the other person’s pain.

  • Reactive resonance is when you realize someone is suffering and you have an emotional response (care and concern) to their suffering, but you don’t actually feel their pain.

With some exceptions, most people usually resonate with others on some level. Most people love to be in the company of highly emotional resonant people, as it can help them feel seen and heard. On the other hand, highly resonant and empathetic people need to be careful about preventing burnout by maintaining healthy boundaries and finding ways to care for themselves and stay resourced.  

Feeling emotional resonance is an important part of maintaining relationships with the people we love and for growing the roots to all forms of compassion. 

 Types of Compassion: Familial, Global, Sentient and Heroic

I distinguish different types of compassion based on who our compassion is aimed at and how we act in response. 

  • Familial compassion is the most common form of compassion. It is compassion we have for a family member who is suffering. Like the emotions, it is universal to the species and it can even be observed in other species. I believe familial compassion is the seed that can grow to extend to other people, and even all beings.

  • Global compassion is a concern to alleviate the suffering of anyone, regardless of their nationality, language, culture, or religion. Global compassion is when compassion is felt toward all human beings, and it is a central concern in someone’s life.

  • Sentient being compassion is compassion towards all living beings (not just humans). This type of compassion is sometimes aligned with certain religions and philosophies.

  • Heroic compassion is when someone takes action to protect the wellbeing of others despite the consequences and risks of doing so (in extreme instances, potential death). To be considered heroic compassion, this action is taken with no expectation of reward or recognition, but rather as a form of extreme altruism.

 Paul Ekman is a well-known psychologist and co-discoverer of micro expressions. He was named one of the 100 most influential people in the world by TIME magazine in 2009. He has worked with many government agencies, domestic and abroad. Dr. Ekman has compiled over 50 years of his research to create comprehensive training tools to read the hidden emotions of those around you.

Kid tears card as powerful gesture on path to resolution facilitated by teacher!

In this short video, John Ford, producer of The Empathy Set of Cards, interviews guest Nona Ikeda about her experience using the cards to resolve a conflict between two students at a Charter School in Northern California.

To watch the full interview from which this portion is extracted, click here.

Holding Space

Andy Henderson on Unsplash

A key phrase you may have been hearing lately is "holding space," but what does that really mean? The definition of holding space is to be present with someone, without judgment. It means you donate your ears and heart without wanting anything in return. It involves practicing empathy and compassion. You accept someone's truths, no matter what they may be, and put your needs and opinions aside, allowing someone to just be.

To discover What "Holding Space" For Others Really Means and How To Do It you can read the full article here: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/holding-space

The Importance of Empathy in Today's Volatile Culture

Apologize


I’ve been on Doug Wojcieszak’ email list for a few years now. Doug is the Founder and President of Sorry Works!

Their mission is laser focused:

“To advance the disclosure and apology movement to benefit patients, families, doctors, and nurses in both acute and long-term care as well as the healthcare, insurance, and legal professionals who support them.”

In his essay about the importance of empathy in today’s volatile Culture, Doug references an article written by Richard Levick called Amazing Grace. It’s probably best to let Doug take it from here:

 “Over the last several years I have had the opportunity to get to know a true gentleman, Mr. Richard Levick, Esq. Richard is a leading figure in the crisis communication world and his firm has the tagline, "Fixing the Impossible." 

We live in tumultuous, even crazy times where a slip of a tongue can leave a person branded or ruined by the social media mob. Recently, Richard and I were featured in a story about public figures, beseeched by social media commandos for alleged current or past sins, being too quick to issue public mea culpas.  We were asked to offer up our expertise; a punch line from the article was don't apologize if you haven't done anything wrong. How many times has Sorry Works! offered the same advice to physicians and nurses dealing with angry patients or families?  Don't fall on your sword to appease an angry family unless you really screwed up?  Be quick to empathize, but slow to apologize; wait for the review before owning a situation.  

A couple weeks ago Richard authored an essay on empathy entitled "Amazing Grace" in which he wondered aloud if historical figures such as Mahatma Gandhi, Winston Churchill, and Eleanor Roosevelt would have survived in today's social media environment. He could have included JFK along with many others into that mix. Richard argued that these luminaries were loaded with sins but were afforded the opportunity to evolve and continue serving. The title of his essay -- Amazing Grace -- is taken from the beloved hymn, which was written by John Newton, a slave trader turned abolitionist. Indeed, so many historical figures are imperfect, messy souls who did some extraordinary acts that continue to evolve and shape our lives today. 
 
For Richard, empathy is not being quick to judge, looking at the entire body of work that constitutes a person, and providing space and time for the good to outweigh the bad present in each of us. Consider his words: "There is an inner peace that comes with being around people who accept, do not judge, listen and work to make the world a better place. It is always quite something to be around them."
 
For years at Sorry Works! we have talked about the need to empathize, including saying "sorry" after something goes wrong along with staying connected with patients/families, honestly reviewing a situation, and proactively fixing problems. Richard Levick reminds us empathy is much more. It's how we look at people, feel about them, and treat them. Do you empathize with your patients and families?  They are not perfect, but God put a heart beat in their chest.  How do we look at physicians and nurses, especially those who have made a mistake?  God put a heart beat in their chest too. 

I will close this essay with a lesson taught to me by the owner of a large nursing home chain.  This gentleman told me he is slow to fire or doing anything punitive to a front-line staff member who made an honest mistake and is contrite. "I would never fire a nurse who made a medical error and felt terrible about it. To fire that person would be throwing away my investment. Not just the investment I made in hiring and training that person, but also the investment that the nurse will likely never make the same mistake again. I have a great employee who is going to be extremely careful going forward...why would I fire that person?" exclaimed the nursing home owner. 

That's empathy, and it's what Richard was talking about in his essay with giving individuals the chance to evolve and become the people God intended them to be.”

Thanks Doug!

Empathy is more than just sensing the other emotionally and understanding their point of view cognitively: there is an expectation that we will act on that sensing and understanding, and treat them with compassion. At times that means we are more accepting and less judgmental of one another’s imperfect past.

Source: Doug Wojcieszak, www.sorryworks.net

Empathy as Hovering Stillness

This note on how to cultivate empathy draws on the teachings of Brian Yosef Schacter-Books. As you will discover, he too, like Marshall Rosenberg of Non Violent Communication fame, describes empathy as requiring full presence and attention to the other’s feelings and needs.

What follows are the words of Schacter-Brooks with some minor editing by me:

“Rabbi Moshe Leib of Sasov was known for his extreme empathy. He said that he had learned this from a conversation he overheard between two peasants, while staying at an inn. They were drinking in silence, when one turned to the other and said, “Do you love me?”

“Of course I love you!” his companion replied.

“You say that you love me,” said the first peasant, “but you don’t know what I need. If you truly loved me, you would know.”

The second peasant was silent, not knowing what to say, but Rabbi Moshe knew. From that time onward he would say, “To truly love someone is to bear the burden of their sorrow.”

This teaching is not about a supernatural ability to read minds, but the power of sustained presence in relation to others; it is a teaching about relationship. This practice of sustained Presence, of staying present with other beings over time, is what allows the gradual blossoming of knowledge of the other, and from that knowledge, empathy. The process requires both patience and attention, a willingness to be with others as they are, not imposing judgement or angling for them to change, but also not fleeing from them in fear or disgust or disinterest.

It is a balance between these extremes, a state which we could call “hovering,” like an eagle who hovers over its young, neither landing on them – which would crush and kill them – nor fleeing from them – which would leave them helpless and starving, and would also kill them. Rather, the eagle feeds the eaglets from above, connected but not imposing, giving space but not abandoning.

It thus represents inclusion, saying “yes and” to whomever appears before us. It is a coming close, an affirming of the other, a building of relationship. And it includes the severing attachment: the desire to control or manipulate our experience by controlling and manipulating others. Between these two extremes, between affirming and letting go, is the path of empathy as hovering stillness.

This is a transformative path. In staying present with others, a connection is forged. We begin by beholding someone that may seem alien and strange, but over time, we can come to understand them from the inside; we can come to feel what they feel. This is the cultivation of a love that is not a given, not something we are born into; it is a going beyond our boundaries of comfort and opening a wider space in the heart.

It is through remembering how we have felt alienated, through remembering our own pain, that we can access the power of patience and empathy. This is the redemption of pain, the way that our own suffering becomes useful toward greater consciousness and connection with others.

But there is also a danger in this closeness, the potential for a kind of “codependency,” for our conception of the other becoming trapped in a narrative of distress, of neediness, and victimhood. That’s why we also need the severing of attachment.”

In summary, we can say that empathy is the sustained presence that allows us to discover what another is feeling and needing without attachment.